Day 51: Swallowing my own advice is a bitter pill

Today was a bleak day.

I was exhausted, due to the fact that I spent most of the night in the bathroom. Every time I drifted off, I was rudely awoken by a very angry colon. I don’t know how many times my diarrhoea woke me last night, but I do know I must’ve been pretty dehydrated today because no matter how much water I drank, I hardly needed to pee (a sure sign for me).

Just a few weeks ago I wrote about not anticipating flares, and just a few weeks before that, I wrote about staying calm when you think you’re flaring, and not to stress because stress makes it worse. But not only did I have an extremely stressful day at work today, but I also constantly fretted about the fact that I may be in the throes of a new flare. Well done Debby. Way to take your own advice.

Strangely, after my last BM at home this morning before work, my stomach hasn’t worked since. It hasn’t felt happy, but it also hasn’t gurgled and kicked the way it did all through the night last night. Plus, K has had the same thing. So……. maybe this is actually just a stomach bug? Maybe it’s a reaction to something we ate? Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that raw meat? I mean, it only occurred to me today, but isn’t it actually too soon on this diet to be eating my meat completely raw?

Needless to say, I haven’t added onion yet. I haven’t really changed much about my diet today, due to the fact that the diarrhoea hasn’t returned. However, I don’t necessarily believe that it isn’t a flare. It could just be a coincidence that K has a runny tummy too. I’m giving it a few more days, and if it happens again, I’ll get in touch with my physician and get my ESR levels tested. That’ll tell me if I have inflammation, which will be an immediate sign.

In the mean time, I’m not introducing anything new, and I’m also avoiding acidic foods like tomato and coffee (is coffee acidic? Well you know what I mean). I’m also trying not to be tearful but it’s really hard. I spoke to my mom this evening and she told my quite sternly – and correctly – that there’s no point in worrying and that I have to stay positive. I know she’s absolutely right and I’m going to keep trying to do that.

Looks like food won this round

Looks like food won this round

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Day 29: Meh. Bleh.

Those damn mushrooms! Today I don’t know how many times I went to the loo. It’s crazy how your BMs can do a 180 in such a short space of time when you have a digestive issue.

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I didn’t have full-on diarrhoea, thankfully, but multiple loose-ish stools in a single day is enough to make me start worrying. I didn’t have any more mushrooms today, and I also held back on introducing the garlic. I want my system to be completely cleared after this little setback.

I also need to try to stay calm and not stress about potential flares. If it happens, it happens. Stressing about it is totally counter-productive will only make things WORSE. I do, however, understand what people mean about retreating back to your SCD ‘safe zone’, and being scared to try new things. Right now, I feel like maybe I should just eat chicken and butternut for the rest of my life!

This is not how I envision spending the rest of my life...

This is not how I envision spending the rest of my life…

I’ve discovered venison mince (can’t remember if I mentioned) and I’m really enjoying the smoky flavour. I don’t think it’s anywhere as near as healthy as ostrich mince, but damn it tastes so much better!

Being on day 29 means I’m just one day shy of my wine. I can’t wait – though K reminded me tonight that it might not agree with me. And she’s right – it probably won’t. And that will be okay too; at least I’ll know. Then it’ll be up to me to decide whether or not to continue drinking. Basically, whether or not the pain is worth it.

That’s all I have for tonight, folks. My bubbly belly wants a shower and to get into bed. It was about a million degrees celcius in Cape Town today and we spent the afternoon drinking (water) in the sun at a popular beachfront bar/hotel for a friend’s birthday. It was gorgeous, but just waaaay too hot with zero shade. I’ll post pics of my pretty city tomorrow. Before these 90 days are out, I’ll convince you to visit!